Couples Counseling and Marriage Therapy
Feeling overwhelmed is an understatement and discouragement is all too familiar. Marriage is hard! Your relationship is falling apart and you have no idea where to begin to keep it from crumbling to pieces. You just wish your spouse would change. You wish they would just accept you for who you are. If only they listened to you and loved you like you need them to. The hamster wheel keeps turning and the same conflicts keep surfacing. You've tried over and over again to change but you just end up right where you started. Will it ever get better?
Does any of this sound familiar? Don't worry you are not alone. Relationships are hard and marriage is even more difficult. We are two imperfect selfish people coming together to live a life as one, there are bound to be problems! The constant competition of who is right and who will win with getting their way consumes the relationship; "I do this" and "you never do that" and "well if you would only (fill in the blank)" and "I am too tired" and "do you know how much I do?" and the list goes on with the numerous repeated phrases we hear from our spouse and we say to our spouse. I feel that if we could just tape record ourselves at least we could save ourselves some energy.
Are we listening? I mean truly listening, not just hearing? So often we are preoccupied with our needs and what we want that we are not even listening to our spouse with what they are trying to communicate to us. Can you imagine if rather than fighting for your needs to be met you began fighting to meet the needs of your spouse?! WHAT?! Crazy concept right? But I challenge you to think about this. What would happen if both of you worked on putting each other first, rather than yourself, filling each others love tank (i.e. please them and meet their needs)- how would that look?
How can I help?
This can feel like an impossible jump to make, I totally understand. It is counter intuitive and extremely difficult when feelings might be hurt, betrayal has happened or the pain runs so deep. But that is where I can help. Imagine a place where you can express your thoughts and feelings freely and truly be heard. To be in a safe place where you and your spouse can share what is in your heart and know that they are going to hear you. Digging to the root of the problem and identifying the faulty thoughts and assumptions you both have. Changing the way you think and behave will have everything to do with changing how you will feel and directly affect your relationship.
As a team, we will work together to identify problematic areas, identify barriers, establish goals, and determine strategies that will work best and provide you with important tools that can be carried with you for many years to come in your relationship.
I utilize techniques from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Model in the counseling process and I am also influenced by my Christian values. I welcome you to draw from that if it is appropriate for you to do so. I can help you make the changes you want for your marriage.